I should be smiling and happy right now. I should be celebrating and ecstatic. Yet, I find myself feeling like little parts of me have gone missing. There’s an emptiness in my gut that shouldn’t be there – but it is. And it’s because I’m selfishly sad.
One of the children that I’ve worked with and known for almost three years at the children’s home has gone to live with a foster family. I had to say ‘goodbye’ to him last Thursday. Another is going back to his family in a couple of days, and I had to say ‘goodbye’ to him yesterday. And one of the staff members (that I adore!) at the home is heading back to her home country to be closer to family. Yesterday was her last day, so another ‘goodbye’ was said. These should all be events of happiness, not sadness. Yet, I just can’t smile right now. Maybe later!
You see… I selfishly thought that I would be the one leaving first and that I had until December to acclimate to the idea. I thought my last day would be one ultra-sad moment with lots of hugs and tears as I was surrounded by all of the kids that I’ve grown to know and love over my 32 months in Grenada. Yet, it does not appear to be so as more and more of the children will soon be placed back into their homes, foster homes, or adoptive homes after thorough evaluations on each child and family are completed. This is a fantastic step for Grenada as they help families reunite and provide opportunities for these children to become part of real families. It’s an exciting time! But it’s personally painful to me, and I suppose it will continue to hurt with every ‘goodbye’. I wouldn’t trade this experience or my time with these children and staff members for anything. I’m a better person for having them in my life.
I am happy for them – even when I’m selfishly sad!
